There’s a popular corner of the internet dedicated to the secret thoughts of nannies, and it’s worth a look. While these “things nannies don’t say out loud” are meant to be funny, many of them point to real lessons for the families they work with.
A few examples: why it’s best not to answer the door for your nanny in your bathrobe (it can make the nanny feel uncomfortable), and why you should make sure the iPad or tablet your child uses isn’t synced to your phone (your nanny doesn’t want to see your private text messages).
Below, we walk through some of our favorites, along with our reactions and the takeaways for parents and nannies alike.
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We came across a great article rounding up the “Thoughts Nannies Never Say Out Loud.” Some of them are pretty funny, and some of them bring up really good points. Here are a few of our favorites, with our reactions and thoughts along the way.
“Make me wait outside instead of answering the door in your bathrobe.”
We get that everyone’s friendly here, but there’s still a line worth keeping.
We agree with this one. Answering the door in a bathrobe can feel a little awkward.
Yes, the nanny is working inside your home, but that’s kind of crossing some lines between employer and employee interactions.
So, it’s best to avoid answering the door in your bathrobe.
“If you play tv shows before I show up, then I’m just the person who turns off the tv, it’s a bad look.”
We have to agree that this is not a good way to start out the day if you’re a nanny.
Remember parents, make sure to set your nanny up for success, and that could include turning off the tv before your nanny gets there. It’s super uncomfortable for the nanny to have to be the “bad cop” and turn off devices right when they arrive.
“Your phone is synced to your kid’s iPad, I can see your texts, some of them are gross.”
We agree with this one, don’t put yourself in an embarrassing situation.
Make sure that you do what you can to kind of mitigate your texts coming through on your child’s iPad.
We know this is hard, and it’s probably going to require maybe another user account.
Just think about what you’re texting, and think about if your child has access to that iPad.
See what you can do to kind of minimize any potential for embarrassment.
“Don’t talk about other people who have worked with you, it will just make me wonder what you say about me.”
We agree with nannies on this one. If you’re going to be talking negatively about other people who’ve worked with you in the past, that could set a bad example for your child.
It also could make them feel kind of confused about maybe a previous nanny who they really enjoyed for example, but also, it’s going to make your nanny start to wonder like “hey, like what are they sharing about me!”.
Think about how you carry yourself when you’re speaking about former nannies for example because you don’t want your nanny to feel like you might be talking badly about them with others.
“If you encourage your kid to be a snitch, you’re going to have a crappy kid and need a new nanny.”
We can see how this could make for some tense moments with your nanny.
You should never stick your child on your nanny to do any spy work of course. Casually asking about a day is different, so just be mindful about how those interactions go.
“I was the one who ate all of the cheddar bunnies.”
This is gonna happen sometimes! Your nanny might have a favorite snack at your house. Make sure you invite them to add to the grocery list, especially if you’re out of something or running low, and if you want to get bonus points from your nanny make sure to stock up some of their favorites.
And this next one is awkward…
“If you want me to put away your laundry find a different spot for your vibrator.”
Yikes! if your nanny is going to be putting away laundry inside of your drawers, make sure there’s nothing that you don’t want your nanny to see inside those drawers, just find another place.
That’s just awkward and weird on so many levels, and honestly, it’s a cringe moment for everyone involved.
Think about where you keep your things, and who might have access to those things.
“If you’re home, your kid knows and they will find you.”
This is definitely going to happen if you’re working from home, and so many parents are working from home these days.
Make sure to have a conversation with your nanny about boundaries. Have a conversation with your child as well about when nanny is there, the nanny is in charge, and when mommy or daddy are working that means that they need time to get their work done without interruption.
Here’s another good one…
“I both fear and respect visiting grandparents.”
Families, we all know that grandma and grandpa are going to have their opinions.
It can just add another layer to the nanny’s day if they’re interacting closely with grandparents or other visiting family members.
So again, just make sure to have a conversation about boundaries. When the nanny’s here, the nanny’s in charge. You might want to have that conversation with your parents so the nanny doesn’t feel awkward about who’s in charge. You don’t want your children confused.
Just saying, have a conversation with your nanny and with your family who’s visiting if that scenario arises.
“Please don’t ask me who I voted for.”
This is a good one because as we all know politics tend to get rather heated. Especially these days.
It’s also none of your business. It’s also none of your nanny’s business to know who you voted for.
Just be respectful. Our suggestion would be just not to touch it unless it naturally comes up, and again even then be careful to make sure you don’t cross any lines.
This next one is really relatable…
“You’re also the first adult I’ve talked to today, and I relate to your loneliness more than you know.”
Being a nanny is great and fun but it’s also a little tiny microcosm of parenting, it can be a little lonely if you’re speaking with a child or an infant-only all day long, and it can feel a little isolating at times.
Just make sure that you’re aware of that, maybe you guys can relate on that level a little bit, and just be aware your nanny gets how you’re feeling as parents.
“If you have a nanny cam, it’s fine. It’s a little bit 1990s, but it’s fine. Just tell me where the camera is, so I don’t fart, dance weird, or take off my spit-up-covered shirt in front of it.”
We always encourage parents that if you are going to have a camera in your home, tell your nanny about it and where it is located. Cameras legally can only be put in common spaces such as the child’s bedroom, a kitchen, or a living room.
If your nanny knows this, they know where to not change their shirt that’s covered in spit-up, and they also know if they need to take care of any personal business or like scratch themselves or something, they can maybe do it out of where the camera is looking.
Just saying you know, nannies don’t want to embarrass themselves.
And this last one is a good one….
“For the love of God, don’t tell me how much you spend on anything or how much you make.”
So yes, there’s likely going to be a big divide between what your nanny’s making, and then what the income is of the family who is able to afford having a nanny.
Just don’t be showy about your things. Yes, you may have nice things, but nannies know that there’s a big difference in the income levels for each party. Don’t make a show of it, that’s it.
It can get awkward, and maybe cause some feelings of resentment if you make a habit of being showy about trips, vacations, a new car or boat, those sorts of things.
Alright everyone, that’s it for this roundup. We hope you found it fun, helpful, and entertaining.